A friend of mine wanted to test out dating sites, to see what type of women he would attract with different profiles.  Below is the result of his ‘footballers profile’.  It’s interesting to note that he got no response from any woman when he posted ‘Intellectual speaks 3 languages and enjoys poetry’


Oh my God! I’m a girly girl, I love pink, she says


What have I got my self into? He’s thinking


(introduction phase)


5 secs later….


I never really meet nice guys, they treat me like an object…I mean every girl wants a bit of respect….


If you respond to ‘I’m a footballer, that loves sex’ profiles on dating sites, what do you expect!!

 He actually doesn’t say this, but he’s suddenly consciously aware of the time


Ordering the cheapest drink, dinner’s forfeited, connection? Well, shall we say somewhat limited.


less than a minute after that…


I’m terribly sorry, I feel a bit shit, but we’ll have to cut this short, I’m feeling a bit sick OF YOU (he keeps THAT part to himself)


Oh poor daaarling, you rush of now, anything I can do to help?


I wouldn’t want to…..(spend another minute in your company) burden you, really


Alright babe, see you soon


Yeah (we’ll see)



I'm on a Date...Get me out of here!