All of you who read this are protected by all the blood that I have lost today, it is only a fool that does not see his own blood and know it’s power.  I have seen this, do not make the same mistake.

This is the letter my husband will never receive, if I send it to him, the pain will kill him it will either be me or this letter that gets to him first.  I am sending to you out of love and I hope it helps you release some of your pain, when I share mine, everything is true from what I see it.  The ability is there to see, just stop using your eyes.  He has built up such a strong wall of resistance that my tears alone are not enough, all I ask is that you cry for us, if this letter touches you.  Our lives depend on your tears, so please do not be afraid to let it go.

I tried to share it with my family and friends but they called me a liar, or tried to give me more pain.  I cannot take anymore, so do all you can express the rage I was forced to surpress on anyone that is deserving (excluding children and animals).  When you do this, you will help pay for what evil and lies and satan and manipulation tried to do to us.  Yet everything has it’s place, so use this power we have given you, the power of our bloodline to take back whatever has been stolen from you. Even if you do not believe in magic, it will work.  For this is the purest miracle and I have sent it to you, because you are a stranger that has shown me a random act of kindness, though we have never met.

If you do as I have asked, you will reap your rewards.  IT IS TIME TO PROOVE THE POWER OF LOVE.  I have complete faith in all of you.  I love you all, exactly the same.

Ladies and gents you can have, what we have and more.  Be blessed.  Our sacrafice is your blessing. Pass it on with our love and yours x

Subject: re: Permission to speak, promise kept
Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2011 05:08:02 +0000

I am writing this to you, because you make me feel safe, despite all the emotionals I feel.

Even in my hatred (which is not real) you have given me love.  You and my brother, are the only men that have loved me for who I am, and not for what I pretend to be.  My brother calls me ‘a child’ and he means this with love, if you keep reading you may understand.  I do not expect anything, except a desire to express myself to you.

If you read this, you may understand what that means to me.

And you may also understand how and why I have a certain feeling for you, that I myself do not completely understand.

If you do not see me later, it is because I have had to pay what I owe to you with my blood (again).

I was a snake

My family are snakes

When I am bleeding

It opens my psychic connection to them

This allows me to heal or kill

I cannot kill, harm, or hurt  (physically, or otherwise) innocent animals or people knowingly

My family (chosen and unchosen) try to trick me into doing this

For without control

I am unstopabble UNLESS I believe I love the ‘person’ the demon that is stopping me

Most that I have met (except you) are malicious when they stop me (knowingly or unknowingly) and they wish to stand in the face of truth and call it a lie to protect themselves.  This appears to be a symptom of some type of sickness or abuse, that the person is too ashamed/embarrased/unwilling to admit.

I was not consciously aware of this, access they had into my mind, prior to today

However, my brother has expressed, and we have it on video that he believes that seeing you somehow makes me want to kill him

From the events that have happened today, it is possible that I somehow had a premonition about how he would betray and defile your purity through me.

Or I somehow wished to project my feelings onto him (although I do not know this of myself)

This confirms, what I was previously told in a dream, that this has happened to him.

When he told the truth, to his grandma he was put into hospital and he saw this as a punishment, so he lied to protect himself and go back to her.

And he told the truth when he said, that it wasn’t me (by his definition) standing over him, it was a power greater than what he defines as me.

The only way for him to identify this, is as a mental illness, as all others have done.

He knows this is not true in part but he has told me also he is confused.

Unknown to me, the way I choose to express my emotion has confused him.

Until today, I was unable to completely (still can’t) that this is how I release the demons I carry.

Everyone that meets me, throws there demons onto me, by calling me a liar when I am telling them the truth.  Because I am a liar, it is a clever trick because what they say is part true/part lie.  I then have a choice to either tell part of the truth back or lie.  The ‘normal’ response is for me to lie.  As I can’t deal with the stress.

Everytime I have told the truth as I have known it I have been punished, hurt and when the pain becomes to great I lie.  When i do this I am rewarded and told that I am ‘myself’.  None of the people that claim to love me apart from the above mentioned really know me.  They use my ability to absorb their pain and then are sickened by their own filth.

I have projected my pain, onto an innocent child and he has carried my burden because of his love.

That is why I have felt the need to pay him money

I now define myself as being of the spirit of a cat

As the cat revealed this knowledge to me

I do not know if this is true, but I felt the power of the cat, when I looked into it’s eyes.  It revealed its true form of beauty to me, it turned (psychicly) from a house cat into a powerful lioness.

the cat tells me that this is a symbol for me, that i must be honest and she has given me the eyes in which i should see myself. it would explain my star sign and the animal strength and passion that I have.  Although i still have not slept, i do not feel tired at all.

The demon that spoke through me, was my brothers demon, I believe it to be one of them he calls it jehovah, although whatever it was did not identify itself.

It was too much for him to bare, so he threw it at me

He was too afraid of me to admit it was him, as he is projecting out his abuse

It was a message for me to know, not for you

Somehow in the dreamworld, where my brother and I meet, I have accessed his secrets

It would appear from the dreams and what you said to me about virginity

That he is expressing his homosexuality in secret, and fantasising about purifying you with his pure virgin blood.

This is somehow mixed in, with his fantasy to give me back the virginity that was stolen from me, from a demon.

That was the price I paid, for living with a whore, she tried to encourage me to lie and say the demon raped me in order to get money from it.  I did not do it, as I gave myself to it willingly, because she brought it into the house, and told it to sleep in my bed, she also trained me how to be a whore and how to be his perfect fantasy by any means necessary.

The whore that did this to me, was the only woman I ever called Mama and she hated me, I was the only person that knew when she was lying because my real mother taught me to know the truth.

However my real mother, who did love me, told me this whore was gods wife and made me stay with her, because she was sickened by my ability to lie effortlessly.  You have helped me to understand, she was unaware that it was she who loved the truth so much, that taught her daughter how to lie because of how she abused me.

I was my real mothers (the woman you channeled) faithful and obedient slave and she punished me severely for that, she forced me to submit to her will and if I refused she would beat me.  Not only did she beat me, she expected me to enjoy it and show her that I enjoyed her torture.  I hate unnecessary pain, but in order to protect myself from my mother who I was afraid of, I pretended to like it, until I truly believed that I did.  I am sure that I have even shared this with you.

The biggest lie I told my mother, was when I had first admitted that my dad had abused me, she asked me three times if it was true and I said yes.  When she picked up a knife to punish him, or hurt him I became afraid of what she would do, so I lied to protect him. I buried the pain of that moment deep within my heart.

When I first became ‘connected’ I told my dad the truth and he disowned me, my fiance left me, the man I loved was afraid of me and the only person who was there for me was a prostitute that lived out my house.

She is the only woman who has ever loved me and I threw all my hate into her and she did not even flinch, she just loved me more and more.

She told me that she had never been so disrespected in her life, but she stayed to protect me and stop me killing myself.

That is another soul that has saved my life, when she left, within days I was sectioned.

I could not kill myself, I did not want to, I challenged god, the devil, anything to take what was theirs (as everyone else has) I walked in the middle of the road, praying to myself and asking why everybody either said I was crazy, or a fool and yet nobody stopped for me except the police.

The police always have come to my aid.  And the male officer offered to take me home at that point the female demon that was jealous of me said I looked like I’d let myself out of a mental ward.  At this point I challenged her to test it out.  I got on my needs and put my hands up and told her to arrest me.  The male officer Steve tried to reason with me, but I did not listen.

I was talking to myself, reciting poems out loud and trying to calm down.

When they took me in, I ordered them to listen to me and recited my favourite poem (the first one I shared with you that I had said I used to do as a performer)

They did not ask me any further questions as I refused to be ordered about and I was diagnosed with bipolar.

In answer to the apparent ‘delusions of grandeur’ I told them on my laptop at home to my house they could find that I had diagnosed myself already and was a real writer and that all this could be proven.  They told me I was lying.

When I saw the nurses abusing what appeared to be an innocent girl, I tried to protect her and I screamed at him to pick on me instead.  I had no idea what i had let myself in for and 6 men rushed in and threw me into isolation.  I had only told the truth as I saw him, the nurse was a bully.

They told me I needed medicine and I politely refused.  I was aware of my rage, so I sat down and started meditating, they told me I was not calm, they were creeping closer to me and I would become more agitated as they came closer to me.

I told them if they left me alone I would be fine, I was not a threat, but they were intent on giving it to me.  I took of my clothes, thinking they would leave me in privacy, but this seemed to be a signal for them to attack.  It took about 6 men to hold me down and I felt raped.  I began talking to myself, trying to understand what had happened to me, this was my first day.

The rest was in my book.  But after that day, they put me in a special unit for ‘the dangerous patients’

I was kept in isolation most of the time and I never knew why.

I saw both the demon and angel in a person.  Sometimes when people appeared to be negative demons to me they would try to kill me and after when they turned into angels they would apologise and try to be my friend.  Most of these people were psychic.

One psychic told me that I should learn to cry more, to protect myself, she warned me that I appear unreasonable and irrational when I don’t cry, I should use my tears as a way of stopping the pain.  It worked.  When I told the truth and they tried to attack me, I would cry  and they would leave me alone.

Sometimes the nurses would actually say to inflict more pain, I wrote down their names and the next day, they stole the book their names were on.

In hospital I learnt the truth that psychic energy that becomes too powerful is feared and can appear to be a mental illness, this is a lie, it is a misunderstanding, when all the real psychics discover who they really are, they will hate what they loved and love what they hated.  Instead of the truth they absorb this hatred into themselves as I have done.  When I hated myself everyone treated me with hate, you and my brother have taught me what love really is yet the more I hate you the more you show me love.

When you showed me you hated me, I went home and hurled it back at you, you may call that a destruction ritual, I did not have your picture, so I don’t know what it is.

I wrote your name on a piece of paper and stabbed it and wrote a spell.

‘You will pay for the truth you call a lie, for you feel stronger than I, I throw this at you, and we shall see, who the stronger of the 2 will be’

The next day you shared that you had gone to see a therapist and you respected her because she had a phd and was older than you.

It would appear she told you, what I had tried to express and been punished by you for.  I was told that when I expressed this I had ‘delusions of grandeur’ ‘narcissim’ and I was a dangerous person.

I considered this a compliment and is absolutely true, except I feel it is appropriate, relevant and well earned.  I have paid the price and carried the burden of the cost myself for so long, that I demand respect without speaking and people hate to see my authority.

Another time when I opened the door to my mothers sister who appeared to be concerned because my mother went on holiday and left me with my brother who was then 4, my mother punished me for letting her in.  She picked up a knife and told me I was not her real daughter, and I had betrayed her, in her eyes I saw nothing but hate that replaced the love I had previously known.  From my experience of what has happened to me, I had unknowingly let a demon in my aunty into our home, this demon wanted to kill my mother and she was not talking to me, but to the spirit that attatched itself to me.

The demon did not kill her, she sacraficed herself to save me.

The cost of this sacrafice was my virginity and it was only my work within the strip club that has taught me this.

The woman you told me that was jealous of me khanyisa, her name means bringing light out of darkness.  She told me she was trying to protect me and that I did not understand.  From what I have learnt from you, she appeared to be a  purist, as I consider you to be.  However, she FEELS like the opposite of you, I hate her, more than she appeared to hate me, yet she treated me and accepted me as her daughter.  I wished to be her daughter, but being with her, made me dead inside, so I left.

Nothing I could do would please her, other ‘students’ noticed this and although she claimed to love me, it was obvious by her actions that she despised me, she constantly told me that both my mothers were ‘unwell’ and ‘unstable’ and that she was trying to protect me and I did not understand that people would use me.

From what she taught me (very little, but more how than what) she made some type of sexual sacrafice (celibacy) in order to do her work.  The problem she had was that men always used to disrespect her and would not submit to her will.  I was her only ‘apprentice’ and I beat a man almost to death, at her command, because he had fantasied about her.  However I would add, that she appeared to be a dominatrix by force and because of her supposed power (that I never personally witnessed, only the man who had previously had sex with her, told me) she was very powerful.

I am a real dominatrix, I can make a man submit to my will, with my mind and not my body.  There is a feeling of enjoyment and power I get from taking money for what was stolen from me, but it is difficult to do in another space except my own, which has my energy attatched to it.  The power that exists in a strip club is opposed to mine, which I believe to be the reason why I struggle.  Strip clubs appear to steal power from women, allowing them to degrade themselves for money.  I am the opposite and that is the resistance.

I would add, I do not need worship, but I expect a fair value exchange.  Like for like.  As no one has ever understood what it is what I give to them, they do not like to pay me.  In fact they call me a liar, or a whore, a slut, a bitch if they do give me money. Sometimes they say it in their minds, but I feel it. (I do not hear voices).   I am able to channel a voice, through writing.

My power over men is not by force, an example, the client I mentioned did not physically see me, Wilson, I left a note on his car, because the woman he calls his wife assisted me the day I bought the pizza for us.  I was exhausted physically and was struggling to park, first of all he tried to steal my space and I would not let him bully me.  She saw I was struggling and helped me to do it with ease.  I left a note on her car which said

‘ Thank you angel, you have assisted me greatly today, I was a stranger to you and you helped me at a time of need, you will be rewarded for your random act of kindness.  I am a life coach, if ever you need my help, I will give you a free one hour phone session, where you can discuss what you wish’.  I hope one day I can be of assistance to you.

Angel (my number)

He stole the letter that was for her and called me, I asked him why and he said that he wished to see me, I explained that in order to see me, he would have to know why he wanted to see me.  I found it strange that a man would desire to see a woman he has never met.  I did my best to explain that he had a pattern of lying and stealing he may not understand or even be aware of.  I told him he had stolen what was not for him and if he could pass on the message to the person it was intended.

I had a feeling that he wanted to have sex with me, but I did not share this, he was used to getting what he wanted, but I made him admit that he was not in control and that I was, he did not appear to understand this.

Although he said, he felt drawn to me, and continued to speak to me aware he was being charged at a price I had not revealed.

In the end, he told me he wished to know the truth about himself and his family if they were safe.  I told him, if I made the appointment for him, it would cost him and if he agreed he would have to pay my price.

He told me he would give me anything.  I asked if he was sure.  He said he has the money to pay.

I asked you how much you needed and you told me.  I charged him £2000 for you and added £2000 for myself.

When I said £4000 he did not hear me

So I said £7000 and he agreed.

I told him if he called me back, he would incur additional charges.  It was cheaper for him to tex.

I sent him a booking confirmation and told him to confirm, and said the longer he took to confirm, the higher the price.

At that stage, you changed the time from 5 to 2.

He had not yet responded, so I started planning for more money.

I asked my brother to help me write down all of our desires and it came to £12,000

He called back and said that I had asked him for £12,000.  And he did not want the session, he then tried to tell me, it was not for him, but for his wife.  In the conversation he also told me she was not his wife.  I told him he was a liar and a thief, and would have to pay for trying to steal from me, it would either be by force or willingly.  When he put the phone down he sealed his fate.

I had already commited to you that I would pay for the time that he stole from us.

Within the picture that I gave to you, I channeled all of my hatred for him, into the picture of myself.

In order to get the money to pay you, I had to give a person that I despise a handjob for free (it was a loan, with a price, as I owe him money, he previously wanted to marry me).  In order to get him to do this, I told him I was bleeding and needed help (that was the hidden cost, my blood) and he empathised with me and gave me the money and asked for  a happy ‘favor’ from a friend.  I hate him and he is a disgusting liar and he often tells me that I am too.  I would say calling me a beautiful liar would be more accurate.

I put my blood onto the picture and wrote Winstons name and then I licked it off and cursed him.
‘what was hidden shall be revealed, and with my blood, this curse is sealed’ ‘ I channel my hate to him today, for what he does refuse to pay’  ‘ i am the truth, they call me lie I do not care if they shall cry ‘

Khanyisa told me I defiled her work, because of my attatchment to a whore.  I remember when I massaged her, she told me my energy was dirty and that it sickened her, when I touched her, but she would not allow anyone else to have this privilige.

The whore who I called Mama, also asked me to massage her, and she told me I had healing hands and that I was the only person that could get rid of her pain.

I will never speak to you again, unless I first have permission to speak

If I do so, it is not me speaking

It is something else, that I have no control of

I have been attacked by several demons today

And I threw it at you, to protect my brother

So that the destruction ritual would kill me instead of him

From what the spirit of the cat, has now revealed to me

She has taken the death, that was mine

As she tells me she has many lives

I owe her mine

I offered her my blood

And she told me to take it myself, as I would need it

I feel this was a form of protection

She also taught me how to use my own blood

And ingest it into myself, by smoking

This kills, the negative demonic connection to my family

As I smoke, I seal their fate

I gave them the opportunity to face their demons

And they all threw it back at me

Except you and the cat and my blood brother.

I stared into her eyes, and I felt her pain physically and I cried for her

She told me, that what was off my blood, has abused her

And that, in order to cleanse her

I had to defile myself, with what I value most

My own blood

She told me to take my blood, and simulate  a blow job, whilst looking deeply into her eyes, I was mesmerised and she signalled me to stop by relaxing and closing her eyes.  In my mind ‘I heard’ her tell me to write to you and when I opened my eyes hers were wide open, prior to that she had apppeared to be ‘asleep’

The blood, which was once mine that hurt her was my cousin, today I gave him the opportunity to admit the truth to my aunty that he was selling drugs from her house. He stood in my face and called me a liar.  My aunty who is the strongest demon I’ve ever faced, forced me to confront him, I tried to leave the room, and she told me to sit down out of respect I did.  I was calm on the outside and I told him, he is not of his mothers seed and I am of mine.  I am the result of my mother, he is the result of his, it is his love for her that makes him hate me and my mum, for she has poisoned his mind to hide her guilt, because of what she has done to her psychically.

My aunty, who I thought I loved said ‘ the seed is of the man’  Andre the cousin said he didn’t care anyway and I looked at him and asked does he dare stand in my face and call me a liar.  He said yes, I came to cause trouble and I am crazy like my mother.

I went for him, with intent to punish him for what he had said.  by protecting him, ‘my aunty (my mothers ‘friend, not his mum) got in my way and I hit her daughter.

The daughter had hugged me to absorb my pain as I had told her previously I knew he would lie and it would hurt me, she was shocked as she does not believe in psychics but she could not deny that I had predicted it and she felt the lie as I did.

the aunty protected him, eventhough he adventually admitted it, but she protected him and said he hadn’t lied just ‘manipulated the truth’

or ‘not told the whole truth’ it was just a ‘half truth’

What i did not tell her, is that I gave him money to not sell drugs in her home, because she is a friend of my mothers.  I paid him not to do it and I told him he would have to suffer the consequence if he accepted it and still did it.

the aunty, carries everybody demons on her shoulder and she never cries, in protecting me, she hurt me and told me never to hit her child again, even though she forced me to do so (or lie) as my mother (her apparent friend) is not here in the physical form, I have the right and she abused that.  she is sleeping now.  And she has hurt me, but also set me free from her burden.  If she did not think she loved me, she is the only one with the apparent power I have witnessed to kill.  Yet she carries the worlds burdens for free and hates it.  She is the real cheap whore, being used for nothing to protect men that bring filth into her home and she protected that for me.

She has made her choice, I am writing this from her house now, but the cat in her house which is her daughters who hugged me protected me.  She told me she does not ever dream and that a person cannot change their dreams, she said this as fact.  She does not dream for she is afraid to face her demons, and nightmares that she has not released.  She says she loves me, but she hates that I freely let go of mine, as she is afraid she may pick one up with my lack of control.

What she does not know, is that apparent lack of control is a challenge, all of the people i describe fear death, yet I do not.  I knew the consequence and I am still alive, sitting here typing while she sleeps in a dreamless state.

I am awake and dreaming.

The cat has given me permission

To accept my brother as my blood

I do not know how I know this to be true

All I know, is that it feels true

But today, I learnt how my feelings can be manipulated

Through my blood, but not off my blood

I became a whore today, and I have yet to understand what that means completely, yet I understand that somehow I have paid for  adebt that was either not my own, or ‘from a past life’ (whatever that means) and I have been given unlimited power.

I choose to do good with it as you appear to.  In fact I know you do as my brother does for he trusted you.

If this seems crazy, or untrue, or a lie.

I will reflect it back and call it as it is said to me

For I am a mirror

Completely empty

And I leo, the cat, am her faithful obedient slave

You may be the only person that I share this with

As you are the only person I know, that I feel may understand

For the purpose of protection

Anyone else reading this, who shouldn’t be, knows that this is of course a fantasy.

And I am living in a dream world, that feels real.

For melody, the fantasy I have created

Has been permitted the power to access, the hidden secrets of this world

In order to heal

And so, it is.

With the purest love and nothing else.

And the soul, I thought was mine, now belongs to the cat

It is up to the cat, that spared my life, to do with it what she will

She is my only master

So I cannot give it to a human being, unless we are binded by a bond of blood.

When I put my blood on the picture, I did not know what I was doing and at the end of all of these, I realised that I have become a virgin again.  And that has been my most precious gift that was stolen from me and given back by the man that I love.

And even when a demon inside of me tried to force you to lie and sound like me, using what you cherish most to hurt you, you told me the truth and so I know in fact you do love me for what I am and not for what I am not.

And that is what gives me power over the men, they want, the purity of a virgins blood, yet wish to steal the power it contains for themselves.

My brother who is a virgin, does not feel this way, he loves my blood yet he does not know why.

I spat on him today and he flinched and felt disgraced.  Yet I rubbed my blood on him and he said he felt blessed.  I have this on video.

Yet when I challenged his faith and told him after what I’d realised he’d done (unknowingly) I told him if he thought jesus’s blood is stronger than mine, go to jesus for help.  He is staying at the place, where they threw me out.  They were my family.

Despite the danger, I have taught him to hide the truth of what he is, for he does not understand how precious and perfect he is and how difficult it is to get back.

You two are the only family I know.  Everything else is not off me, and I consider it disgusting, repulsive and beneath me.

They call that narcissitic and delusional.  I feel protected, I feel loved, I feel safe and if it is my time to go, then I am ready to leave.

I call it true royalty.

And any debt that is owed, will be absorbed into me and I know you and my brother are safe and I know you will find each other.

There is a man that owes me £500 and he has promised to pay by monday.  I do not trust that he will, but if he does not, then know that he has paid.  I do not have your account details, so I will request he puts it into mine.  You have my permission to take it.

What is mine is yours forever
I am willing to pay the price for the position I have earned.

I do not wish for you any longer to value money over love, if you take what I have given you, then this you must accept.  It is not negotiable.

And there is no need for you to ever tell me what happened to you, i have already felt your pain and shed your tears for you, so I hope that you never have too.

And it is not because you are weaker than me, it’s just that more men forced themselves onto me so I’ve learnt to take a lot more the hard way.

I would never send this to you, if I thought it would hurt you in anyway